kenrus

25.9.05

S.O.S God, i am under spiritual attack (again)

was my msn nick on thursday after i prayed. because this is exactly how i felt, being attacked by unseen forces, penetrating into the stronghold of my thoughts. i shall name him d. d came and talked to me during my prayer. initially i thought He came but soon after a few words, i felt something amiss. although the voice is same but the 'presence' is different. i could hardly remember what we said. ( i deduce that this is because only His word has life and stays.)
i was questioned why i did not complete my fast on wednesday. ( i broke fast at 12am instead of 6am. i was hungry and freezing cold ok. fasting in autumn is a real test. i wonder how it will be like in winter.) so i asked him if he would forgive. no answer. i asked again. no answer ( this silence is followed by the idea of 'do not ask me again or else something bad is going to happen to you' thought.) almost instantaneously i asked him, " who are you? are you LORD?" no reply. i knew instantaneously that he is not He but d.
immediately when i realised that, there was a attack, a confusion, a panic, a disguesting feeling, everything but peace. bind the spirit i did, followed by cramping of my fingers and toes. i almost broke down mentally and i supposed i could have gotten hyperventilation (fit) but in the end we won. ( i could not imagine if i had lost.

the reason why i know is d and not Him.
simple, our LORD is a great God and He forgives easily. and with Him, there is peace. even during a discipleship, He will rebuke me but yet at the same time assuring me that it is for my good. d, he knows and does nothing of that. the best he can do is to imitate His voice. thank you LORD.

someone asked, if God is good, why did He let this happen?
i do not know but i can roughly guess

because of this spiritual attack, i found myself making the effort to chat with chenguang over the msn for a longer time. through the chat, i know he cares about me more than i know. also, i have found another soldier in christ.
because of this spiritual attack, i am back early in my dormitory the next day ( tiredness and slight confusion) and i manage to find the information i need for my project.
because of this spiritual attack, God opened a conversation opportunity between me and John (yes over msn) when i came back early in my dormitory. we shared our vision, calling and spiritual experience with God. this is something amazing to me because this is our first time, usually we talk about work and design. in the end we get the opportunity to pray for one another.
because of this spiritual attack, seung hwan came into my room. and at the time, a phone call from the security came. it was in korean and i could not understand it. so i passed the phone to seung hwan and guess what! my parcel from singapore has just arrived!
praise the Lord.

so learn that He is good and do not be quick to complain whenever you meet with something bad. because everything happens for a reason.

signing off with love at 2:10 AM

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